A few years ago I thought I had it cracked. I was set. I had 2 besties and we giggled, studied and danced the nights away. Then bam depression hit and my “friends” took flight. I have neither seen nor heard from them since.
I’m not a particularly bad person. I like to think I’m honest, although I realise that can just be a synonym for rude. I’m not a sugar-coater but I do usually refrain from saying nasty things. Lest there be a good reason to fall snarkwards. Yet the past few years have taught me that until I cook dinner for someone or let them stay in my home I’m not their true friend. People are fickle. People mostly don’t want to be my friend. People are busy. That’s perfectly fine, I just wish they wouldn’t pretend to be nice and then discard me. That’s hard.
Depression cut me off from people, running away and not experiencing life was so much easier than enjoying myself. I walked around (and to some extent, on occasion, still do) disconnected from life. It’s a very difficult sensation to explain, but there are the normies and those of us who are constricted by a fog or feel like they are wading through treacle.
This states of affairs makes not for good friendships. I was lucky that I had Bean. Thank you Bean. That’s not to say that others didn’t try to help but absence is often less noticeable than presence. I hid well.
So when it actually came round to thinking about bridesmaids I was scared. I had good friends but I was scared they wouldn’t actually want the hassle of being a bridesmaid. I had nightmares. Actual nightmares. (I feel nauseated thinking about it, still). I know, I had known these 3 lovely ladies for years. Two lovelies for 16 years and the another for at least 5.
I wanted to do something fancy to invite them to be part of the wedding. You’ve all seen the cutest bridesmaid invite of all time right? The typography, the attention to detail, oh me oh my.
I realised I wasn’t quite so crafty. I remember asking each girl. One drunkenly, one excitedly and my most nervous ask over meatballs at Crussh. (I’m a classy date, no?) To my surprise they all said yes straight away. Those moments made me realise I wasn’t alone. That there is more than nothing. Your bridesmaids are not there to be your slaves, as you can see my girls are far more attractive than me and I wanted them to look gorgeous (I had visions of matchmaking the unmarried ones!). I’m so happy they were there on my wedding day with me. They were perfection, I knew nothing of the troubles the snow was causing because they intervened. I had a very relaxed wedding morning. I am forever grateful and they know that.
So how did you find your girls? Are they friends you’ve known since you were born or are they more recent additions to your life? Are not actually girls? (I don’t mean are they women, I mean are they men?)
A terrible one of me but I love their smiles. Emma Case Photography.