Hello again

Too much time has passed.

I miss you all very much.

I’m afraid to say what I’m about to say. (Although I’m happy to say that this is not me bringing the blog to an end – oh no.)

I have been rather unwell recently. Things have not been good. Just as I thought things were looking up on Thursday I received some rather devastating news. News which I hope to battle with every last fibre of my being.

However, by far the worst news is that about our poor Bertie. The old handsome grey boy who came into my life at close to my lowest ebb and made me think that I was a better person than others have told me.

Our boy is gravely ill. His ailments have become too much for him and it is with a leaden heart that we shall be taking him to see the vet for the last time on Friday. I don’t believe in heaven but may his dreams be of chicken and of our bed that he loves so very much.

A wonderfully brave cat who truly made everyone fall in love with him. A gentle beast. I fear my many tears will fall as I cradle him to sleep.

Good bye Bertie. I hope you know how much you have been loved.

I have saved the wishbone from his last roast chicken (for chicken makes him smile) and I want it to become a little symbol of hope. Hope that perhaps we all can make a difference. That I can make a difference. Caring for a cat is not a great act of kindness but from little acorns. I am not a great person but  think Bertie has shown me I am not a bad person either.

Thank you you wonderful sneaky monster.

Yet, sadly although perhaps blessedly, life does continue to trudge along (although does anyone else feel that time seems to have speeded up recently). Indeed despite the sadness I have dressed up with Bean like this (I think he should wear his hair slicked back everyday!) and have made a very happy looking cake for a dear friend’s 30th birthday.

I have such tiny eyes but magical hands with besequinned elastic and feather.

Oh swiss meringue buttercream with a little too much Chambord you are wonderful.

I think back to the days when I made my first not so tentative steps into this world and I am proud as to how far I have come. I still love all the words.

I know that I have more, as I move closer to my second wedding anniversary there is much I want to share. Not just my ramblings (although there are many) but other wiser words. I love there are such intelligent and stylish men and women who want to share their wisdom here.

I will inspire you. That is a promise. Whether it be with talk of relationships or the perfect shoes. I know I have it in me to make you smile and cry. Other bloggers soldier on and seem infallible. They are strong. I’m not like them but I’m not worse. I’m different. That’s me. Just a bit different. I am sorry for all the unanswered emails and tweets. I am getting on it. They perhaps will be my saviour?

So as I listen to Cheryl Cole sing Fight for this Love, as I sit stereotypically typing in a coffee shop, I guess I’ve got to fight for myself and this lovely little blog. Expect more, want more. I do. “Quitting is out of the question.”

Monday people. Are you ready?