The Bean’s Talk

Last week I was lucky enough to be invited to Hawksmoor’s Guildhall restaurant so we could help spread the word that they’re happy and ready to host wedding receptions.  Hawksmoor is pretty much one of my favourite places in London (any of their restaurants really of which I’ve been to three and Anna bought me their cookbook for Valentine’s Day which, she will tell you, is probably the best present she has ever got me) so when I heard they had started doing weddings, I began to slightly regret rushing in to marrying Anna after only ten years and missing out on having our own wedding there.

For those of you not familiar, Hawksmoor started in East London a few years ago and has established itself as basically the place to go for steak in London.  Their formula is simple: great cocktails and the finest beef, responsibly sourced.  Their Guildhall branch in the City is packed to the rafters during the week but closed at weekends, so they’ve decided to open their doors to brides, grooms and their (up to 130) guests.

Of course the main selling point here is to food, and they certainly don’t disappoint.  I am, of course, a big fan and have been to three of their restaurants (including Guildhall) over the years, so I was curious to see how their “wedding” food compares to their usual output.  You’ll be pleased to hear that everything was at least as good as I remembered: tasty canapes (though, if I am honest, the mini grilled cheese sandwiches were maybe a little big as canapes go), a lovely pear, walnut and Stilton salad and of course, what everyone was waiting for, the steaks.  An array of different steaks, all perfectly cooked, arrived on little iron dishes with a selection of side-dishes and sauces for us all to share and followed by a delightful sticky toffee pudding.

Their service is also excellent.  This is a high-end restaurant in the City, and a very busy one, so while the staff are friendly (but not too chummy) they very much know what they’re doing and what they’re talking about.  So who wouldn’t want to get married in a steakhouse?  Well, the decor might be a bit dark and “old boy’s club” for some,  but it’s simple, unfussy and can be dressed virtually any way you can imagine and it has the rare combination of high-end food, space for a dancefloor and a late license.

If I was to do the whole wedding thing again there’s a good chance I’d decide to do it here.  And no, I’m not just saying that because they gave me a free dinner.

We all want to look nice (well virtually all of us anyway).  While you might not ordinarily feel it’s worth the effort, I think most of us if given the choice between looking our best and simply not then we’d rather be looking good.  So, on the one day when you really should be making an effort and when you’re going to be photographed more than on any day in your life, then you really should have a good go at doing things right.  Some of these may or may be me learning from my mistakes.

1.  Make sure your suit fits properly

It’s all well and good spending hundreds of pounds on a beautiful suit, but if it doesn’t fit properly then, well I’m not going to say it’s a waste of money, but it really won’t do you any favours.  But anyway, what does “fitting properly” even mean?

The easiest part to sort out and the part I most often notice people “going wrong” is the length of the trousers and sleeves, which are often too long, making your arms and legs look shorter than they really are. It’s all too easy just to accept the length that you buy, but spending just a few pounds can make you look a lot sharper.  So what is the “right length”?  Well, for the sleeves, start with the length of the sleeve on your shirt.  With your arms extended downwards it should come to around about the knuckle at the base of your thumb.  Now, your suit sleeve should be maybe half an inch shorter than that, to show a bit of cuff and a little flash of cuff links if you’re wearing them.  The trouser legs, when standing should be no shorter than touching your shoes and not more than an inch or so longer than that depending upon your preference.

As for the rest, the jacket should button up comfortably, with little excess space and without putting tension on the buttons.  The shoulders should also be comfortable, but not projecting beyond your actual shoulders.  Generally the aim is for it to look fitted, but not tight.

2.  Know how to tie a tie and how to do it well

You might be in a line of work that expects you to wear a tie or you might not have worn one since school.  Either way, the chances are that you’re going to be wearing one on your wedding day, so you should know how to do it properly.  There are more variations on the tie knot than you might think, and which one you use depends on a few things: the spread on your collar (the more spread your collar, generally the larger the knot but within reason), the width of the tie (narrower ties obviously go with smaller knots).  There are plenty of resources on the internet, particularly videos, showing you how to do it and I particularly like the series on neckties written by the fine chaps at Put This On.  The three things you need to be getting right are the shape and size of the knot and the length of the blade (the part going down your front), which should be just down to your belt.

So the arching is a little ostentatious, but that is a nicely tied tie

The main point is to make sure you practise in advance so you can reliably do it without too much fuss on the day.  This goes double if you’re wearing a bow tie, as while they’re notoriously tricky to get right, you really owe it to yourself and your bride to do it properly.

3.  A good clean shave

If you’re going to make a major change to your shaving routine: like moving from an electric to a blade or on to a different sort of razor, make sure you make this transition well in advance.  Firstly you need to get the hang of the technique of it, so you don’t go slashing your face open, and secondly you need to let your skin get used to it.  Apparently my own father made this mistake and turned up to his wedding with more than a few little nicks on his face.  The same applies to a certain extent, even if you just change the products you use, just to make sure your skin doesn’t have a bad reaction to it.

If you’re new to wet shaving or even if you’re not, then the wonderful people at Gentlemen’s Tonic will be here to help in the not too distant future.

It does occur to me that you might have a beard, or at least plan on having one for the wedding.  If you’ve already got a beard, then make sure you know what you’re going to do with it and if there’s a bit of trimming and shaping to be done, have a practise run or two in advance so you know what you’re doing.  Also, not to impugn your manhood or anything, but you might want to check with your future wife as she might have some dream or idea that you’ll be clean shaven.

4.  Hair

Your hair, well it’s a matter between you and your barber, but I’d just like to say a few words as it’s one of the things I least liked about my appearance on the day.  I went and got my hair cut about a week in advance and was really pleased with it, but it just didn’t seem to work out on the day.  So I would advise yet more practice , this time with how you’re going to style your hair on the day.  Can you reliably recreate the style you want?  How long will it stay like that?  Don’t be afraid to talk to your barber or stylist to get advice, particularly on what products to use to keep everything in order all through the day.

And don’t fiddle with your hair like I did.  It seems to be something I do when I’m stressed or otherwise thinking, and I think it was the main reason my normally slightly wayward hair was other than where I want it to be.

I have no idea what was going on with it by the end of the night

5.  Polish your shoes

There’s a bit of received wisdom that one of the first thing a woman looks at on a man is his shoes.  I don’t know whether it’s right, but a pair of scruffy, scuffed shoes can pretty much ruin an outfit.  Your shoes don’t have to be expensive, but they should be clean and in good repair.  Get some good quality shoe polish, a couple of brushes and get to work.  Again, practice is the key and I’m not going to pretend I’m more of an expert on this than the professionals at Burlington Arcade, so here’s what they have to say on the matter.

6.  Accept your limitations

A lot of us look to lose a bit of weight and maybe get in a bit better shape in the run up to the big day.  Now I don’t want to discourage you, but I would urge you to be realistic.  Don’t go buying a suit six weeks ahead of the day thinking you’ll lose two inches off your waist so you can fit in it.  Come to terms with what you have so you can try to make the best of it.

7.  Good posture

This is something I generally have a bit of a problem with.  I’ve never had great posture and while I’m not freakishly tall I can feel a little self-conscious about my height.  Having a tiny wife doesn’t particularly help with this.  So I slouch and stoop a bit, which isn’t great for photos.  However you might feel about your height, stand up straight and keep your chin up.  If you’re a foot taller than your fiancée, there’s no amount of stooping that’s going to change that.

8.  Get used to how you’ll look/feel

While I wear a suit every day to work, I realize that not everyone does and for some it might feel slightly odd or uncomfortable.  If this is the case, then try your suit on as often as you can.  Wear it round the house and have a bit of a walk around in it, just to get the hang of how it feels.  It’ll also let you know what alterations you might have made to the suit to make it a bit more comfortable.  Just don’t do anything messy, and probably don’t practice any of the more athletic dance moves.  The more comfortable you feel, the more relaxed and natural you’ll be and the better you’ll look.

9.  Get a good night’s sleep

I know I’ve said this before (only last week in fact), but you’ve got a long day ahead of you, so do try to avoid staying up until the small hours the night before drinking.  It’s tempting to have a few drinks with your friends to celebrate your “last night of freedom”, but you’ll want to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning.  There’s going to be plenty for you to be getting on with, and the more well-rested and alert you are the easier and quicker it’s all going to be.  You’ll have more time for it all as well, as you won’t be sleeping off a hangover which means less stress.

10.  Relax and enjoy yourself

This is really the most important one.  There will be a lot going on and a lot of potential for things going wrong, or at least not perfectly, a lot of potential for stress and a lot of demands on your time.  Whatever happens, try to relax.  If needs be, take a few minutes every now and then just to step out and stop worrying about things.  Stressed, sweaty and anxious is never a good look and if you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, then it’ll show in your face and your body language.  Not only will you look better, but you’ll have more fun and everyone around you will have more fun, and isn’t that really the point of the whole thing (that and the actually getting married I guess).

I am of course, talking about the day itself.  You might not realize it, but getting married is hard work.  If I have any good news for you it’s that most of the work is at the beginning or at least in the first half of proceedings, so you can get it out of the way and hopefully get on with enjoying yourself as soon as possible. Still, on our wedding day the running around, frantic phone calls and yelling of orders lasted about twelve hours, and that was to make sure that things happened at all, leave alone them being perfect.  Though that might just have been because of the slightly ridiculous circumstances we found ourselves in.  So what can you expect and how can these things be made easier?

Firstly and most importantly, be organized. Know what needs to be done, when, where and by who.  Do you have separate venues for the ceremony and the reception?  Will your venue/supplier be helping with the set up or are you going to have to do it yourself?  This last part is important and it’s one of the big areas where we “went wrong” with our wedding, because if you don’t know who needs to do what then either you waste time doing things that other people should be doing or you overlook things that you need to do which can lead to a bit of panic later on.

While the bride and her maids are busy getting dolled up  ready for her grand entrance, you and your boys will have to make sure that everything’s actually ready.  So make sure you get there early and that your best man and ushers are there too, bright-eyed and preferably sober.  I know this seems a bit obvious but it bears saying: don’t get too drunk and stay up too late the night before.  And try to have a bit of breakfast.  You’ll also need the contact details for all your suppliers and you know what they’re supposed to be doing so that you can check they’re doing it all right.  That’s, of course, assuming they get there.  For a summer wedding, barring some sort of unexpected accident, this shouldn’t be much of an issue, but in the winter with the possibility of ice or snow then it can be a serious worry.  For our wedding we were worried that we might not even be able to get married, as the registrar was snowed in and they had to bring in another from 30 miles away.  Bear in mind that on top of all this, it’s your responsibility to make sure your groomsmen actually turn up and look vaguely respectable.

Try to delegate as much as possible.  You’ll be nervous enough as it is without having to oversee everything personally, so at least one or two of your groomsmen should be reliable enough to take care of a few things themselves.  This should allow you to take a few minutes for yourself now and then to relax, check your hair and tie and maybe if you need one have one drink (but seriously no more than one, you might feel like you need a bit of dutch courage but you are really better off without).

Get as much done in advance as possible.  If your venue will let you in to set up the night before then do it if at all possible.  Even if you can’t, things like sorting out your orders of service and favours, decanting sweets into jars, anything at all that can be done ahead of time should be.

All that of course is only the setting up.  Once that’s done, the work isn’t quite over.  You’ve still got all the greeting, hugging and shaking of hands to do when the guests arrive.  This should (depending on your friends and family) be slightly less like hard work, but it can take a lot of your time, particularly if you have a lot of guests, when you’d rather have a bit of a sit down and a cup of tea.  This is where your parents can really help out.  You might feel a bit bad asking them to move chairs, they might as well make themselves useful dealing with your relatives and you’re basically obliged to speak to them again once you’re actually married so they won’t be missing out on everything if they don’t see you at this stage.

Now, you should have a few minutes warning of your bride turning up, and by this stage most of your work will, or at least should be done.  Just make sure any transport you’ve arrange to the reception is on time and ready, get into position and try to enjoy things.  At the very least you should start having fun by dinner.

The main tip I can give you is not to panic.  There are so many things that can go wrong, and she might not realize just how much you’ve done on the day, as long as you’re married and still love each other at the end then you can probably call that a win.

Well it’d be a bit wrong of me to ask what you’d like me to write about only to ignore you all.  So let’s have a look at what we’ve got.  The (no doubt) lovely Amy is wondering whether it might not be possible for her groom to wear something a bit different from the usual greys and blues.  Maybe there’s something just a bit different and a bit more colorful.

Well there is, but it’s not without its problems.  The whole tailoring business is pretty conservative by its nature, making as it does mostly stuff for people to wear to work and obviously in the workplace conformity is very much the thing.  While it is easily possible to get something a bit more colorful, this is a bit more of a niche “fashion” item and so there are a few issues there.  Fashions come and go, so if you go for something a bit different there is the risk that when you look back on it in a few years it might seem a bit dated either in terms of color or cut.  Also, with them being a niche item they can be difficult to find and when you do there isn’t necessarily that much in the way of variety.  By way of example, I started off researching this piece looking entirely non blue/grey suits (as opposed to a blue or grey suit with a colorful pattern) and they’re almost all purple/maroon.

Still, don’t let me put you off.  After all took a few chances with my own outfit and it all (sort of) worked out, but you’ve probably seen enough pictures of the Bean Suit by now, so here are a few ideas to get you going.

Purples

Very much the colour of the moment if you’re not going for the blue or grey.

(l-r) mohair three piece suit in purple, £795 at Marc Wallace; one button notch lapel suit in claret, £395 at Reiss; three piece wool mix suit in burgundy, £160 at Next

Checks

A solid colored suit might be a bit much  and a stripe a bit too businessy, but a check I think has the carries the right amount of flamboyance for that most special of occasions without being too overpowering.  Just be careful that your patterns and colours for your shirt and accessories don’t clash

(l-r) Washington brown check three piece, £299 at SuitSupply; Prince of Wales country check three piece, £850 at Hackett; Washington blue check three piece, £359 at SuitSupply; Alexander McQueen plaid suit, £1,445 at Mr Porter

Of course, a lot of the problems you might face can be solved by going to a tailor, allowing you to choose exactly the cloth and cut that you want and in a far wider range of colours than you’re likely to find in a shop.  What’s more, it’s easier and cheaper and more accessible than ever, with big high street names like Moss Bros and Austin Reed getting in on the act.

Whatever you do, the main thing to bear in mind is that while you’re dressing up, you’re not wearing a costume.  Make sure that everything in your outfit works together and also that it works with the colour scheme for the rest of the wedding.  Even if you can’t find a more “interesting” suit that you like, you can still create a unique and interesting look from what you might call a more mundane suit with a few carefully chosen accessories, which I think I might come back to before too long.

I’m here to help!

Hello everyone.  Sorry I’ve not been around so much lately, but I’m working on a few things.

Still, I am sort of reliant on my own ideas of what grooms want and/or need to be reading and I’m increasingly aware that the planning for our wedding was some time ago.  While of course I do what I can to keep up with everything, but I can’t help but feel a little detached from the whole process.  This is where your help would be extremely, helpful.

So grooms, is there anything you’d like any sort of guidance on?  I realize that you can probably find answers to your questions and solutions to your problems given time, but I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on so why not let me spend my time on it.  Brides, is there anything you’d like a bit of male insight on?  Anything at all.

But still, regardless.  I assure you there’s more to come shortly.